Trace of you

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I trace things with my thumb. My own imaginary lines, following what my eyes see. Have done for as long as I can remember.

Subtitles, facial features, road signs, punctuation, clothing hems, angular shapes.

Imagine how beautiful it is..

when I get to trace your face.

Your eyes are mesmerizing, full of mischief and joy, each crinkle, lined with my thumb as you laugh at me..

Your lips, so full and tempting, line by line dancing around the ball of my thumb. If only I could reach out and trace them for real..

I know your face by heart, I could draw you a thousand times, every expression, every minute detail, I can close my eyes and there you are…line by line dancing around my thumb..

 

 

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/trace/

 

It’s not what you think

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Fantastic read

The First Ten Words by Rich Larson

Chris Cornell, 1964-2017

Chris Cornell died early Thursday morning. His band Soundgarden played a show on Wednesday night at the Fox Theater in Detroit. Two hours after the show ended, he was gone.

For two days, I’ve been working on a piece to pay tribute to him, and it’s been a struggle. Usually when I have a problem like this it’s because I’m staring at a blank screen trying to figure out what I want to say. That’s not the problem this time. The problem is I have way too much to say.

I’m not going to sit here and claim to have been a huge fan of Soundgarden. I didn’t dislike them, I just had to take them in small doses. I was a fan of Cornell. I love “Seasons,” the solo song he had on Cameron Crowe’s movie, Singles. It’s a droning acoustic song about isolation and the…

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Impression

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https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/impression/

Some people leave an impression. Like an indent in your brain or your soul.

Sometimes it’s bad and it hurts and that scarred piece of you will never be the same, always bearing the imprint of the impression left behind. But let’s not talk about negatives.

Let’s talk about the people who’s impression makes you better. I only have a very small handful of these, but they are like a magic tonic for the soul.

Just thinking about the way someone looks when they smile can make my chest swell and my face wear my own unbreakable smile. A throwaway comment or funny quip, otherwise meaningless, can sum up someone’s personality and every reason why you love them, and it fills a tiny part of you. I get a text and my face splits in two because the person I am talking to is so beautifully them, mischievous and playful, and witty and them and I love them for every reason and no reason. These people have left their impression on my soul, people who I will always and forever have alongside me, in my heart and in my brain. Something about them has made me better, made me more whole, and I can only hope I have done the same for them.

Each of these people, and each moment makes me. Instead of the imprint taking away, it shapes, molds, and fills me up with the things that I think really define and create my life. Not the long list of achievements, or the long list of things I haven’t got round to achieving, but the long list of times I have felt that imprint tingle within me, and smiled because one of my favourite humans is there.

Creative Block

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Perhaps I am just destined to live my life feeling vaguely frustrated and agitated and not being able to put my finger on it and fill it.

Lately I have been feeling a creative block. Inspiration has been at my fingertips but just out of reach.

I find it so easy to slip into a numb yet frustrated melancholy when this occurs, and give up on things too easily, because I just don’t have the will power or incentive to try anything. All too often I will be struck by some inspiration or motivation but when I’m busy doing something else, and by the time I am free to do whatever it was I was feeling excited about, that feeling has gone and I end up doing nothing. That is exactly why I am writing this at this moment in time, I arrived at work today and was suddenly filled with positivity and inspiration and motivation and sunshine, but I can’t do any of the things that I truly want to be doing because I am stuck at work for the next 8.5 hours. So instead I am channeling that feeling into writing, that energy has to go somewhere, and no, I don’t want to channel it into my work, thanks. My work is uninspiring and suffocating, so let’s leave that there.

 

But I find it so hard to be creative and motivated at home!!

creative-block-someday

I notice though that despite now feeling the inspiration and motivation, it has not got rid of the frustration. Perhaps I am just destined to live my life feeling vaguely frustrated and agitated and not being able to put my finger on it and fill it.

When I have no motivation I find myself filled with doubt, insecurities, self-dissatisfaction, self-berating thoughts which push me further into the hole that I am in, but I seem quite incapable of stopping myself from doing it. I have no internal locus of evaluation, which is pathetic, and probably why I can’t commit to anything or get my arse in gear and do things.

So today I feel pumped and I want to go to a yoga class and a Zumba class and go find a beer garden near a river and fall asleep on some grass and sit under a tree and read a book, and I want to write, and get on with some of my projects and take pictures of weird tiny objects and make a cool thing and organise my belongings and maybe hang some pictures….

I resent my work because I don’t want to be here. When these moods strike me I want to be free to do something about it. By the time I have finished work and got home my enthusiasm for doing things has waned considerably, and I tend to dick around, or hang out with people, instead of doing something productive, and I can’t keep beating myself up about it, because I have been doing something productive for 9 hours, it was just for someone else’s benefit, not mine.

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So maybe I can’t control my swings of motivation vs hedonism, but I should probably try to be nicer to myself about it and stop beating myself up and holding myself to such a ridiculously high standard, or at least I can hold myself to that standard but not expect myself to meet it every second of every day. It is ok to have blips and emotions and not be feeling it.

 

Read this awesome article by Saving Sarah Grace

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Change can be a mother effer. I’m not even talking about change that happens to you that you had no choice in. Or change that happened slowly, quietly creeping up on you until you realize it’s here [ ta da! ]. No – even when you really really really want to change something, and you […]

via 5 dirty little lies your brain tells you that get in the way of change — saving sarah grace

RIP Chris Cornell

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Today we learned the sad news that Chris Cornell passed away age 52.

He was an incredibly talented musician, who had an amazing voice, and will be sorely missed by his fans. I cannot imagine what those who knew him must be going through.

Personally, I have been a huge fan of Chris Cornell, ever since I first heard of him. I thought he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, and his voice captivated me, it was so powerful. He had a way of conveying emotion very subtly in his voice, and I started trying to listen to and devour whatever I could get my hands on (being of the generation that wasn’t born into a world with YouTube, that wasn’t easy), but I couldn’t get enough of the feeling listening to him and his music gave me.

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Be it Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog, Audioslave or solo stuff I loved all of it.

Grunge music is a huge part of my life, and to me is home. People like Chris Cornell, Eddie Vedder, Scott Weiland, Layne Stayley, Dave Grohl etc, these people are my imaginary family, the artists who give my life such a beauty, help me find meaning, find myself. Their music is a safe haven that I can retreat to, a comfort blanket I can wrap myself in, a way of connecting with my inner self.

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When Scott Weiland died I was shocked, but I wasn’t surprised. It was incredibly tragic, but it was not a surprise. With some people, I guess somewhere in the back of your head, you don’t give them an old age life expectancy. But Chris Cornell, it’s different. I am stunned, speechless.

I was lucky enough to see Soundgarden in 2012 or 2013, whichever year they played Download, and my god they were amazing. I always wanted to see them again, but instead I shall dig out the photos and videos and make sure that I have double, triple backed them up.

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I recently found on YouTube a video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuUDRU9-HRk) of him covering “Nothing Compares 2 U” and I have played it numerous times, the stripped back sound meaning his voice rings clear, and you can hear every intonation, every note

To me, he will always be one of the world’s most sexy, gorgeous men, one of the world’s best singers and best musicians.

I wish I could thank him for everything he has given me.

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How Much is Too Much?

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th,,,

These days I see increasing pressure to be a fantastic all round person and it is killing my friends. People are trying to do too much, and it’s not healthy.

[I would like to note that this is written from a female perspective, concentrating on women, simply because this is my own personal experience as a woman. However, this happens to men too, so I welcome comments and experiences from men.]

The 1950’s gave us the modern model of perfect family. A man had a good job and provided well for his family, expected to uphold certain social requirements and maintain networks and look smart. The women were expected to be women who not only looked impeccable, but were also accomplished in many things. They were expected to follow the latest fashions and trends, spending time ensuring their aesthetic portrayed the perfect housewife, they were expected to be good cooks, good at crafts, good at being a mother, good at sports, good at dancing and singing, good at being a wife, good at entertaining, good at being entertaining, good at socialising, good at being a friend, good at maintaining a home. Trying to do it all and be perfect.

We may be in 2017, but this attitude hasn’t left us. Women still strive to do all of these things, but on top of that they are now expected to go out and get a career on top of all of that. I see countless friends who have full time jobs trying to portray an image of themselves on social media of someone who eats healthily, who manages to go for a run or to the gym, who tries and succeeds at many crafts, who is a wonderful mother, who has a social life, and who cares about social justice and politics.

Gym, crafts, food, design, social life, film, pop culture, beauty, work, education, growing veg, meditating, career, friendships, current affairs, global affairs, local affairs, all these things flood my news feed but not because I have amassed a collection of friends with massively varied interests, they are all coming from the same people. People are exhausting themselves to try and be a polished “someone” and no facet can be left unturned. Then away from the spotlight of the news feed I receive personal messages, texts from friends saying “I’m exhausted, I’m so stressed, any chance we can chat, do you have time for a coffee sometime? I can squeeze you in between 11:13 and 11:49 on 28th July this year.”

So I find myself surrounded by friends that I never see, unless we actively arrange to meet up and do an awesome thing that can be tagged on Facebook. I don’t mean to imply that all my friends are social media obsessed, but it is becoming an increasingly important factor in people’s lives and in the way they express themselves or define themselves.

I am guilty of trying to do too much. I was dissatisfied in my job so tried to build an empire of self-employed avenues to enable me to leave the job I was currently in. I also decided to do a degree at the same time, and lose weight and maintain my meditation practices and groups on top of all the other things.  It wasn’t possible and something had to give. Fortunately, just before I was the thing that broke, I decided to cut down on my list of “current activities”. The only thing I achieved in doing all of these things was not looking after myself.

Self care is so important. It is not selfish, it is necessary, and something that everyone should do every day. One thing a day for you that has no purpose other than to make you happy. It doesn’t matter whether that one thing is awesome or not. It is not to be judged, just enjoyed.

Here are some of the “self-care” things I have done for myself over the last week.

Mon 8th May – had a pint by myself in a nice pub.

Sun 7th May – had a good cry after sorting through memories

Sat 6th May – Got a tattoo

Fri 5th May – indulged in some of my favourite foods

Thurs 4th May – dyed my hair and watched drag queens

Weds 3rd May – went to yoga

Tues 2nd May – wrote a letter to my penpal and drew him a stupid picture

These aren’t massive things. They are things I enjoyed and did purposefully. Everyone’s self care is different. Sometimes it is just saying “No” to something you don’t really want to do, or saying “Yes” to something you would ordinarily turn down, but want to do. Sometimes it is just embracing your flaws and spending time with them rather than trying to hide them.

So many people are chasing the image of a perfect person, believing that being this person will make them happy. For me happiness is not the goal. Happiness is another thing we chase that is killing us. We are not meant to be perfect, and we never will be.

https://amiagrownupyet.com/2017/05/09/the-constant-quest-for-happiness/